I had planned on having mid-season report cards but I forgot that the theme of my last post was report cards (plus I'm pretty much report carded out) so I decided to make this a more positive and festive theme and hand out awards. In the spirit of elementary track and field day, no one will be left out.
Most improved award goes to....
Kevin! We will start with an obvious one here as he shocked the entire draft by drafting a basketball player #1 and then having one of the most balanced drafts of the night. His baseball team is in the hunt and will almost certainly make the playoffs which would have banked you a pretty penny had you booked at the 500/1 odds that Vegas was laying before the draft. Kevin has improved so much that he booked a ballsy bet against Nathan where the higher placed finished in the overall gets $200 from the other guy. I'm not going to lie, I'm probably more interested in that bet than who actually wins the league. |
the tighter than a nun award goes to....
Trevor! I understand that it is hard to part with certain players on your squad but his reluctance to trade deserves to be "awarded". It took mediation and three people short of an intervention to get him to pull the trigger on a trade with Warren (and we all know if Warren offers a trade after 9 pm you should take it because it won't be there in the morning when he sobers up). |
the best pitcher and catcher award goes to....
Justin and Nathan! You may be thinking that this was referring to the owners of Clayton Kershaw and Buster Posey. You would be wrong in this assumption. Thanks to "The League", we were given a term for the deal that Justin and Nathan made at the start of the year...Trade Rape. Justin went in dry and had his way with Nathan as he managed to turn Matt Carpenter, Adrian Gonzalez, Kamar "I've been dropped and picked up more than the soap in jail" Aiken and D'Angelo "snitches gonna get stitches" Russell into Matt Kemp, Todd "long ball or bust" Frazier, Alshon Jeffrey and Kemba Walker. Kudos to Justin for abusing Nathan's Lakers obsession into the most one sided deal since Jack bought magic beans. |
the ll Cool J award goes to....
Cam! The reigning four sport champ started off about as bad as an IQ test written by Trump supporters. Starting the year off with 5 consecutive losses will make the playoffs a long shot for him but there is potential on his squad if he can get healthy. While quoting a song that says "I'm going to knock you out, Momma said knock you out" may be in poor taste when referencing the owner who boldly drafted and held onto Jose Reyes, I predict that Cam is right in the middle of the playoff hunt by the end of the season. |
the newcomer of the year award goes to...
Xander! This award seems obvious due to the fact that he is in first place in baseball but it is also a way to tell Greg to go fuck himself for drafting Alex Len. Xander is quietly making great moves (such as trading some of his depth to get Mark Trumbo from me) while sitting on one of the most potent lineups in the baseball league. His beard is ready for the playoffs and barring injuries or an upset, he should be battling for a title in his first ever sport in the four sport league. |
The ninth green at nine o'clock award goes to...
Greg! While he has battled in baseball and has some solid assets in the other sports, Greg has been blowing up my phone with texts about how frustrated he is that he can't get anyone to pull the trigger on deals with him. All I have to say it welcome to the big leagues son...between Nathan's used car salesmen offers, Warren's ability to pay well over market value for all things Colt related or Jamyson's inevitable fire sale of hockey, baseball and football assets to try to stack and basketball team to lock up a $25 profit it will take Greg a little more time before he can avoid feeling like he is being hazed. |
The i hope you were paying attention to the nba finals award goes to...
Jamyson! It is very clear that Jamyson likes to think of his team as the Golden State Warriors of the four sport league. He nearly ran the table last year and managed to take down the title but as we all know, repeating is harder than winning the first one. So before you sell the farm and give your non basketball players away for $0.10 on the dollar, remember that in this life nothing is guaranteed. |
The wow award goes to...
The witness protection award goes to....
Jesse! If I didn't golf with him today I would have sworn that Jesse was a witness to a major crime and was in the witness protection program because he hasn't responded to a single trade offer from me (or anyone). I can understand screening texts from Jensen but some of us are offering you mutually beneficial offers. Maybe Jesse doesn't like the impersonal nature of texting so my next offer will have to come with the personal touch that you only get with hired goons. |
The michael jordan award goes to...
Dave! This award may seem to indicate that Dave is tall (which he is) or that Dave has a good basketball team (which he does). However, this award is given to Dave because he sucks at baseball. How can Warren draft Stephen Vogt in the FIRST ROUND, drop him 5 days later and still be a better manager than Dave?! Maybe the suggestion of adding a humiliation bet for the last place player will light a fire up Dave's ass. |
and finally...the bill masterson award for the four sport goes to...
Me! I started this blog post last night but was sidetracked when I was crippled over in pain with a kidney stone. This didn't stop me from finishing it (plus I was given some percocets...which, for the record, did not affect this in any way, shape or form). They say laughter is the best medicine and I did have a good chuckle as I wrote this. Here's to a great second half of the baseball season as we prepare for the pure joy of September and October in the four sport. |